never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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