you win again, gameday.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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