If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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