Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
