a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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