Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
