Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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