It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
