fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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