Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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