she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize