Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
