take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
