I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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