They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
