why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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