im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
