70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
