Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
