I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
