I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
