I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize