She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
