how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
