The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
