just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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