i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
