wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
