Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
