The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
