Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
