I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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