what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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