do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we're so committed to being not committed
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