I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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