i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
