Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
