How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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