my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
