i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
