i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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