you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
