I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
