I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
