I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i came on her dog
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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