in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
