I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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