So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
