Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
