You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
