it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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