He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
