You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
