She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
