Jerry, you need to find god
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
