Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
