She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
