My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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