my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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