Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
