Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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