woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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