I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
