woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
