i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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