grandma shit on top of the toilet
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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