He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
